1 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,600 HE WHISPERS 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,600 SHE GIGGLES 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,080 Jill, could you pass the pepper, please? 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,680 Sorry, Cathy, no. 5 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,280 It's too heavy for me, Cathy. 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,360 Oh... 7 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,200 Don? 8 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,240 Don... 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,160 Don. 10 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,240 Pepper. Oh. 11 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,080 Are you OK, Jill? 12 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,320 I'm fine, Sue. Please ignore me. 13 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,520 Oh... 14 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:08,000 It was a triumph. Thank you! 15 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,360 Thanks! 16 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,160 Oh, dear! Oh! Oh, God. 17 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:26,400 Oh, I...hope there was nothing wrong with the trout. 18 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,440 Was a bit tough. 19 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,800 Oh, dear. 20 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,720 Trout's...a hard one to get right. 21 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,920 I'm pregnant, Sue. 22 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,800 Oh! Oh! 23 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,240 I was raped. 24 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,800 Oh, dear. 25 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,120 By Bruce. 26 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:57,280 This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature. 27 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:34,800 So...Jill...when did this happen with Bruce? 28 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,680 Many, many times, Sue. 29 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,560 He even entered my anus, Arno. 30 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,440 Oh, Jill! 31 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:47,000 He's a 12-year-old boy! I've got video evidence, Cath. I'd like to see it. 32 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,640 Tape's in the player, Sue. 33 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:53,520 Jill, I'd like you to have a DNA test. 34 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,960 Deform my unborn foetus? 35 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,160 - I'm sure Cath would... - wait until it's born. 36 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,000 And then deform it?! Oh! 37 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,040 SPLASH! 38 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:23,400 Catherine, your jug seems...kind of full today. What's...eating you? 39 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,000 Well... 40 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:30,360 the accusation that my son is a rapist! 41 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,320 Well, hey... 42 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:40,520 ..we've all been...kinda forceful at times. He's 12 years old! 43 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,680 12. 44 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,560 13... 45 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,680 21. 46 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,520 42. 47 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,720 7. 48 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,320 Zero. 49 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,920 6. 50 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,120 One hundred. 51 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,400 Two. 52 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,200 18. 53 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,320 2,000. 54 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,360 30. 55 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:20,640 Five. 56 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,480 These are just numbers. 57 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,480 Yes. 58 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,120 Four. 59 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,120 11. 60 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,440 16... 61 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,040 Please! 62 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,280 Sorry. 63 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,680 Catherine, I'd... 64 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,480 I'd like you to hold the anger ball. 65 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,920 Now... 66 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,880 Bruce is a sexual being. 67 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:03,480 Most young men have been pleasuring the lingam since toddlehood. 68 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:10,400 I'm sure you had some young fun with your yoni. I've never...! You must remember Floella's background. 69 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,600 - She was brought up in a tribe. - She was not brought up in a tribe! 70 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,800 Catherine, I'd like you to move over to the rage rug. 71 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,440 OK. 72 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,440 Now... 73 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,680 LET it go! 74 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,600 Just...really let it fly. 75 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,360 I think life is... 76 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,400 pretty bloomin'... 77 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,800 SMELLY! 78 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,640 Jill, he's a 12-year-old boy! 79 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:25,440 - Cathy, he's been making sperm since the day he was born. - He's probably cooking up a little pop now. 80 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,600 He's at Cubs, Jill. Ca-ath! 81 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:34,320 - Jill, are you absolutely sure you had no part in this? - I'm absolutely certain, Sue. 82 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,480 I was like a useless rag doll. Why? 83 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,920 I was tired. Oh. 84 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,120 - A LITTLE bit flattered. - Bruce is ever so handsome. 85 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,440 And certainly more so than Don, Arno. 86 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,880 Don's aged really quite badly. 87 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,520 Mmm. 88 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,560 Look, Jill, 89 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,960 there are...alternatives. 90 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,120 Don's thinking of having a face-lift? 91 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,440 No - I-I'm talking about a termination. 92 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,920 SHE SOBS Oh, Cath! 93 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,640 I'm just trying to do the right thing! DOOR SHUTS 94 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,360 One must always ask 95 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:20,000 what would Jesus do in this situation, Catherine? 96 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,200 Hmm. 97 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,720 CHORAL MASS PLAYS 98 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:34,880 - Bless you, Cath. - Sorry to be such a burden. 99 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,960 - I wish I was dead. - Don't be silly, Jill. 100 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,680 Now, can I get you anything? No. 101 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,000 Get on with your life, Cath. 102 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,920 Um... Are you...all right? Are you in any pain? 103 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,480 Absolutely riddled. 104 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,960 Really bad, Cath. 105 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,680 PAINED HISSES 106 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,720 Okey-doke. 107 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,520 KNOCK AT DOOR 108 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,200 Come in. 109 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:25,200 I, er...wondered if we could just... have a little chat. Bruce. 110 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,200 About... 111 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,240 the birds and, um... 112 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,960 and the bees. 113 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,520 About owls and stuff? 114 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,920 Mmm. 115 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,760 Cos, you know... 116 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,440 Bruce, when, um... 117 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:46,000 when animals love each other very much, they... 118 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,680 like to...make whoopee. 119 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,120 Oh, whoopee cushions. 120 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,680 ..Not quite as noisy as a... 121 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,560 Well, it... 122 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,360 Uh... 123 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,040 When animals get... 124 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,800 excited, 125 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,520 they...they...they need to... 126 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,880 pop that excitement. 127 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,720 In, in a... 128 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,160 The thing is, Bruce, you know, we're ALL animals. 129 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,600 Oh? Am I an animal? 130 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,360 I hope not. 131 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,840 GRUNTS AND MOANS > 132 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,640 MOANS ACCELERATE 133 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,600 JILL SCREAMS 134 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,640 Jillian... 135 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,680 Jillian! 136 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,520 JILLIAN! 137 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,840 Oh, I'm sorry. 138 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,120 Oh! 139 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,960 I'm so parched, Sue! 140 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,000 I did tell her I was thirsty. 141 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,040 Could I just have a sip of...water 142 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,160 or a cup of cold tea or something? 143 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,480 - Jill needs a drink of tea. - Yes. Cup of tea, fine.. 144 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,320 OK. There is, um... 145 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,440 there is a basin there, Jill, you know, if you need water... 146 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,080 Cathy, I can't even sit up. 147 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,200 I'm so sorry, Cath. 148 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,840 Maybe I should just hang myself. 149 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,920 Jill, please, I... I'll get you a cup of tea. 150 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,000 Or a cappuccino if you have one, Cath. 151 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,360 Yes, that's...a bit tricky. 152 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,200 Baby likes a cappuccino. 153 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,760 Is there a... 154 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,000 a Starbucks nearby, Cath? 155 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,160 Jill, the nearest one is Exeter. 156 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,640 Right... 157 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,760 C... C... Cathy! 158 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,920 Yes, Jill? 159 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,720 Could baby have a biscuit? 160 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,040 ..Right-oh. 161 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,080 Oh, bless you, Cathy! 162 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,360 CATHY! Yes, Jill? Yes, yes! 163 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,600 Yes, Jill? 164 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,240 A Twix would be nice. 165 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,160 For dipping. 166 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,720 WATER DRIPS ECHO 167 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,040 CHITTERING SQUEAKS > 168 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,280 TOILET FLUSHES 169 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:16,400 I don't think Cathy believes me, Vicar Arno. 170 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,720 She just needs to be sure, Jill. 171 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,240 Please, 172 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,760 think back. 173 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,760 Have you HAD any other... 174 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,440 ..sexual relations? 175 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,120 I did suck off my cousin once. 176 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,320 Yeah...but any other? 177 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,560 Bless you, Vicar Arno- 178 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,760 I know I look very young, but... 179 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:47,840 there have been one or two others. 180 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,480 Mmm. OK. 181 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,040 But Arno, 182 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,960 Bruce was like a... 183 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,040 OK. 184 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,680 Easy, now. 185 00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,720 Cath's just... 186 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,200 - so full of hate. - DOOR OPENS 187 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,200 Lovely cup of tea! 188 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,960 Bless you, Cathy. 189 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,600 I can't. Oh. 190 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,560 The potty's virtually bubbling over. 191 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,360 Right. 192 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,880 Jill, um... Do you think you could keep the potty just for number ones? 193 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:28,040 I would, Cathy, but when baby decides it's time to go, baby goes. 194 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,880 Yeah...it's not really baby, though, is it? It's...you. 195 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,080 Baby makes a sizeable contribution, Cathy. 196 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,080 Right, well, I'll empty it. Just this once. 197 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,280 Oh, Jill... 198 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,920 I asked you to keep it covered up, 199 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,440 but I really didn't mean with my Angora jumper. 200 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:53,800 Sorry, Cathy, I thought they were all looking at me. 201 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,280 Right, I'll... 202 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,200 Oh, Cath? Yes. Could you be quite quick, please? 203 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:02,480 I think there might be another one or two on the way. Right, er, well, 204 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:07,080 should I just wait? You're welcome if you want to watch, everybody. 205 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,520 Oh. Right. 206 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,280 I mean, when you're in bed 207 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,920 and you've got this huge bump, 208 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,480 do you...do you...? I don't know... 209 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,680 Do you hold on to the bedhead or Don? 210 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,080 When you turn over? 211 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,760 Oh! Sorry! 212 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:15,160 Erm... I just lie on my back, usually. 213 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,440 Ooh! 214 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,320 WHIRRING 215 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,160 Sorry to disturb you all. 216 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,680 Please just ignore me. 217 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,040 Sorry, Arno. 218 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,400 That's all right. 219 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,960 Feeling any better, Jill? No. 220 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,840 Much worse! 221 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,200 Much worse... 222 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,320 Jill, erm... 223 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,400 I can't help noticing that, erm, 224 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:29,800 you look much bigger than you did an hour ago! 225 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,440 BANG! 226 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,040 BANG! 227 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,080 BANG! 228 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,080 Oh, sorry, Arno! 229 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,840 That's all right. 230 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,480 I hope it's not Satan! 231 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,080 Jill... 232 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,120 Are you...are you hungry, Jill? 233 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,320 I'm starving, Don! 234 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,400 Just help yourself! 235 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,000 SPOON RATTLES 236 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,120 I can't swallow, Cath. 237 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,560 Oh, dear. 238 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,640 JILL YELPS 239 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,640 Please not again, Cathy. 240 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,640 What? 241 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,360 Please don't strike me again, Cathy. 242 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,120 Jill, I... 243 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,880 It's not the first time, Sue! 244 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,520 Jill... Aaah! Jill... Aaah! 245 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,320 Ohhh! 246 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,560 I'm not... 247 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,120 I can't be your whipping boy forever, Cath! 248 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,960 Oh, Jill! 249 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,800 I'm sorry, Jill. 250 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,520 Sometimes... 251 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,880 Sometimes, I just... 252 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,800 I just wish you were... 253 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,360 Ohhh! 254 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,360 ..nicer! 255 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,880 Mmm! Are there any... 256 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,720 any more potatoes, Cath? 257 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,600 I'll go and have a look, Sue. 258 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,360 Aaah! 259 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,560 LABOURED BREATHING 260 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,960 Jill, is there anything we can get you? 261 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,760 Just my last rites, Arno. 262 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,840 Not that I ever really had any. 263 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:15,160 And maybe some...presents, Sue. 264 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,920 Even something big and extravagant. 265 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,720 I can't take it with me. 266 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,520 Cathy! 267 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,760 Cathy, is that you? 268 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,160 Yes, Jill, I'm here. 269 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,680 I hear you, Cathy. 270 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,360 Jill, Jill, Jill, I'm here. 271 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,320 Oh, Cath... 272 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,000 Oh, Cathy... 273 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,600 Cathy... Yes. 274 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,280 Before I slip away, 275 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:57,800 I just...wanted to say... 276 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,400 that... 277 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,520 HIGH-PITCHED CHOKING 278 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,000 Jill! Oh, God! Jill! 279 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,360 Jill! Oh, God! 280 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,840 Jill! Jill! 281 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,760 Oh! 282 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,480 Oh, Cath... 283 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,920 Cathy! Yes! Yes, I'm here, Jill! 284 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,200 I thought you'd gone. 285 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:27,920 Cathy, I really need to tell you something. Yes, Jill? 286 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,760 In my life, 287 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,840 I have told nobody this. 288 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,440 I... 289 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,080 Oh, Jill! 290 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:47,080 Jill! Oh... 291 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,240 JILL! Oh! Yes, Jill! 292 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,160 Cath, did you ever see that thing about...? 293 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,120 Oh, Jill! 294 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,440 Jill, please, Jill! 295 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,040 Jill! Oh, God! Jill! Jill! 296 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,040 Jill, come on! Jill! 297 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,040 Jill! Wake up! Jill! 298 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,080 Jill! Ohhh! 299 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,520 Oh! Oh, Cathy! 300 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,400 Oh, Cathy! 301 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,560 I thought I'd gone. Yes. 302 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,000 I saw... I saw everyone. 303 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,080 I saw Mary, as in Virgin, not Quant. 304 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,520 I saw Jesus! 305 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,040 Smiling like a puppy! 306 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,840 I saw Terry. 307 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,280 Gordon - he says hello. 308 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,000 - He looked very well, Sue. Good. - Really good. 309 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,680 Thick curly hair now. 310 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,560 Oh! I saw... 311 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,760 I think it was your mum, Cathy! 312 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,000 Tiny lady with glasses. 313 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,120 No, she was a large lady, no glasses. 314 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,840 Fat? No, just Junoesque, really. 315 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,280 Still alive, actually. 316 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,000 She looked... 317 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,280 very sp... 318 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,160 It was Lady Diana! 319 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,600 Ohhhh! 320 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,960 Oh, the Queen of Hearts! 321 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,640 Bless, she's shrunk a bit now 322 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,480 and she needs glasses, those thick pebble ones. 323 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,920 But she had a little crown on 324 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:24,120 and a pretty dress made of flowers! 325 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:28,720 She said, "Jill, I love you. 326 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,360 "You are the best person that ever lived. 327 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:37,080 "You...must...live on in hope. 328 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,880 "Take my mantle as the Queen of Hearts 329 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,600 "and spread light through the world. 330 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,280 "You shall bring unto this world your own child 331 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,720 "and you must live and bring it up. 332 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:55,680 "You, Jill, shall spread joy." 333 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:03,160 "Never Take Me Alive" by Spear Of Destiny 334 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,880 I know it's too late, Sue, 335 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,520 but did you ever want children? 336 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:35,920 Yes, but, erm... God never blessed me in that department. 337 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,520 Hmm. Where did he bless you, Sue? 338 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,400 Well, Sue's got...pretty hair! 339 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,400 And a... Pretty chest. 340 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,400 Praise be! 341 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,760 I, er...had my scan today, Don. 342 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,480 Hmm? Oh! 343 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,640 Please, Don. 344 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,800 Lovely, thank you. 345 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:15,080 Drinking when pregnant REALLY isn't advisable, you know! 346 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,960 Usually not. 347 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:22,520 But, erm, my problem is I have to keep the size of the foetus down. 348 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,640 The thing is, Arno, I've got a very, very narrow canal. 349 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,240 Obviously, on the way in, that's lovely. 350 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,200 On the way OUT, 351 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,720 I can't really cope with anything bigger than a turnip. 352 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,000 Anyway... 353 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,880 I saw the baby's heart today. 354 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,320 Oh, how exciting! Very good. 355 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,880 And her little thumb in her mouth! 356 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,840 Oh! Even more special! 357 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,080 Good practice for her, Cathy. 358 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:05,240 Mmm! Actually, Don, I got MY scan pictures today. 359 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,640 Oh, right! Sorry! 360 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,440 Selfish! 361 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,720 No, no! It's OK, Cath. 362 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,720 Before I show you, I must tell you... 363 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,240 The doctor said so. 364 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:23,920 I had the most attractive womb he had EVER seen. 365 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,480 Yeah. 366 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,880 Apparently, it's like a supermodel's womb. 367 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,480 Almost identical to Naomi Campbell's. 368 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:32,880 But not black. 369 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,280 Anyway... 370 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,880 THERE...is baby's eye. 371 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,640 That's...very BIG, isn't it? 372 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,960 Big eyes are attractive, Cath. 373 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,880 Maybe not just one! 374 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,400 I think that's the baby's HEAD, Jill. 375 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,160 Well, the scan was a very emotional time, Don. 376 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,520 We're HOPING baby's other eye 377 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,240 is just hidden round the other side of the head there, Sue, 378 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,680 and it's just obscured by a lock of hair. Hair?! 379 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,400 Yeah, the doctor said he saw hair in the womb. 380 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,080 There is evidence of hair. 381 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,600 Gosh! That's...very unusual! 382 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,960 And very virile! 383 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,800 Doctor says that I'll just hopefully cough up that 384 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,120 in the form of a hairball. 385 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,600 At some point. 386 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,400 Right. Yeah. Hmm... 387 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,640 Well, well! 388 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,440 So, the only problem is, erm, 389 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,640 is the hair actually extends 390 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:42,680 down the entire range of the spinal column. 391 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,800 Erm... 392 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:48,560 Now, that COULD result in a scenario 393 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:53,080 whereby the child is born in the form of a monkey 394 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:58,280 and THAT would be SO damaging to my self-esteem, 395 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,840 I would think about adoption. 396 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,400 Yes. Yeah. 397 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,240 Jill... 398 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,040 I know. 399 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,360 I've been assured they can wean him off it once he's born, 400 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:24,480 they do it with the heroin people, don't they, and all the different drugs. 401 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,720 My only worry is the ageing effect of smoking. 402 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,800 But at the end of the day, Sue, 403 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,560 I actually prefer them when they're older 404 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,680 cos the little babies are just USELESS. 405 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,040 Oh, Cath, no! 406 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,360 Ohhhh! Ohhhh!